THE SHUSHANOS

The Sopranos with a Purim twist.

On another part of the stage we see Mordechai. Enter Fat Avi, munching on a hamentasch.

MORDEChAI

Fat Avi - good to see yous.

fat avi

Want to try this new cookie? It’s called an “Insert-Bad-Guy’s-Name-Here-taschen.”

MORDEChAI

Naw, I’m fasting.

DIZZY IZZY

Fasting? For why?

MORDEChAI

Let’s just say I’ve heard things.

DIZZY IZZY

Things?

MORDEChAI

Yeah, things. Like someone is trying to whack us, all of us.

FAT AVI

Who?

MORDEChAI

Haman.

FAT AVI SPINS A GROGGER.

FAT AVI

Sorry. New exercise plan. I’m tryin’ to lose 15 pounds from my forearms by Cheshvan.

mordechai

Anyways, the guy’s had it out for me ever since the King honored me in his place.

FAT AVI

I bet his wife Zeresh put him up to it. That woman is such a drunk, her blood type is Manischevitz.

MORDECAI

But it gets worse. Apparently he’s also running a lottery.

fat avi

Doesn’t he know we own gambling in this town?

MORDECAI

It’s not that kind of lottery. He’s using it to pick the day we all get popped.

fat avi

All right, that’s it. This guy is ancient history.

Mordechai slaps the back of Fat Avi's head.

mordechai

It’s 500 b.c.e. This is ancient history.

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